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Does an age gap matter when you are dating? If you are lucky enough meet a man whose company you enjoy and you have that spark which makes it special, do you need a copy of his birth certificate? Is the odd grey hair or laughter line enough to worry you? Yet while a difference in age is often a concern, if he’s the right one for you, the future can be bright for your relationship. There are, however, some points to consider when dating a man who may be ten, twenty or more years your senior. But if you are prepared for any issues that may occur, they can become opportunities to strengthen your relationship rather than problems for you both.

People's attitudes may surprise you... One of the first things you will become aware of is the attitudes of others to your relationship. Friends, family and society in general all have their opinion of why a younger woman may date an older man.

For your friends, if they are a similar age to you, they may feel as though you are bringing someone into their circle who will not be able to fit in. This may be the case. If so, it is easily dealt with by seeing your friends without your partner occasionally. However, don’t prejudge your partner, or allow your friends to. He gets on well with you doesn’t he? So give him the chance and encourage your friends to do the same. A few years older does not necessarily mean a completely different outlook.

Family may well be concerned for you. An older man is often seen as more likely to be controlling of his younger partner. However, age is no indicator of a controlling personality and being with a partner of any age who does not give you the freedom to be yourself is unhealthy. Try to accept any comments from family as concern rather than criticism. Put their minds at rest by pointing out, that if you are happy, then they should be happy for you. Once your family see that you are in a positive relationship with a man who happens to be a few years older than you, his age will become irrelevant.

Society in general, is far more accepting of an older man in a relationship with a younger woman than the other way round. However, there are a few preconceptions that still surface. It is often assumed that the woman will be seeking a father figure or financial security, whereas an older man will be looking for “arm candy” or the kudos of being able to “keep up” with a younger woman. While this may sometimes be the case, don’t let social stereotypes keep you from having a happy, loving relationship.

While other peoples problems with an age gap relationship are just that – other peoples problems, there will be some day to day issues which can either cause a divide between you or enrich your relationship.

"Lack of shared childhood experiences can create
quite a gulf if you let it..."

One of the little things that can really highlight an age gap is your very different memories from childhood, particularly TV culture. If he was brought up huddled round the black and white television for “Watch With Mother” while you had a colour TV in every room with wall to wall “Top of the Pops” and “Grange Hill” you are going to find your shared memories are few and far between, This can create a surprising gulf between you if you let it. However, treat it as a bit of a joke and learn from each others experiences of life and you’ll soon find you have created your own shared history together and those differences fade in to the background.

Another potential source of difficulties is the stage of life you have both reached by the time you get together. If you are looking for a short term relationship, it really doesn’t matter. However, if you see yourselves being together for the long haul, it’s worth talking through this early on.

The biggest “stage of life” issue is that of children. If you don’t have kids and may want them at some stage in the future, whereas his are grown up, left home and the only babies he imagines himself holding are grandchildren, you need to get this out in the open. If neither of you are prepared to change your mind on this, the relationship is not going to last. You can’t compromise here. You are either planning to have kids together or your not. Be honest about how you feel about having children. If you brush it off as not a big deal when it is important to you, he may well feel that as you don’t want kids anyway, he can put it out of his mind too. However, you may find, that while he hadn’t envisaged starting all over again, he’s really quite open to the idea now he’s met you!

"What happens when he reaches old age before you?

Another potential hurdle is that of what happens when he reaches old age before you. Will you end up as a full time carer? How will you feel about being in the prime of your life while your partner may be approaching his later years and need to slow down a little. While it’s definitely worth thinking about these issues, don’t get too worried about what might never happen. He could be fit and well into his nineties whereas you need care in middle age. Life has no certainties and it is not worth sacrificing happiness to what might happen later.

It’s always worth thinking through the pros and cons of any relationship or major decision in life. However, if you are lucky enough to have a chance of a great relationship, whatever the age gap or superficial hurdles, go for it. Nothing worth having is always easy and your happiness is worth the effort.

Why not read more dating tips for women? How about our first date tips article?

If you would like help creating a unique and compelling online dating personal ad why not take a look at our personal ad builder and our photo enhancement service to make sure you get the dating personal ad you deserve.

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